The prompt this week over at Big Tent Poetry involved an exercise. First, we were to take 30 minutes and draw our home -- graphically identifying as much detail as we could. Then we were to take about a half-hour to free-write on something that came to our attention during the drawing process --stream of consciousness. From the free-write, we were to write a poem. I decided to try a sort of a haibun. [*Photo credit and link below.]This is my poem:
rooms of my mind
I wander through the rooms of this house and ponder what the walls contain. Three people, two cats, and a fish dwell here, among the possessions, while light and air pour in through window screens. These walls hold music and art, with wireless Internet flowing through ethers. There are memories, emotions, along with the residue of laughter and joy and pain. Neat and tidy, this house appears simple. Yet its closets and drawers are packed tight with hidden excess, revealing an inability to let go. Over time, the windows breathe more and are less efficient, giving the airtight home more airflow.
Do the rooms of my mind breathe too? At one time, I could envision every detail of every room I’ve ever lived in. The closets and drawers were packed tight then also. The elements have faded and memories and facts are more interconnected than before. Segmented and disciplined, the rooms of my mind are breezier these days. Still, they contain much, and betray little.
breezes flow freely
through the rooms of her mind --
she smiles sweetly
Copyright © 2010 Nan P.
rooms of my mind
I wander through the rooms of this house and ponder what the walls contain. Three people, two cats, and a fish dwell here, among the possessions, while light and air pour in through window screens. These walls hold music and art, with wireless Internet flowing through ethers. There are memories, emotions, along with the residue of laughter and joy and pain. Neat and tidy, this house appears simple. Yet its closets and drawers are packed tight with hidden excess, revealing an inability to let go. Over time, the windows breathe more and are less efficient, giving the airtight home more airflow.
Do the rooms of my mind breathe too? At one time, I could envision every detail of every room I’ve ever lived in. The closets and drawers were packed tight then also. The elements have faded and memories and facts are more interconnected than before. Segmented and disciplined, the rooms of my mind are breezier these days. Still, they contain much, and betray little.
breezes flow freely
through the rooms of her mind --
she smiles sweetly
Copyright © 2010 Nan P.
* Photo found at FineArtAmerica.com -- Gentle Breeze by Lyle Huisken
13 comments:
This is a good way to tackle the subject, potentially making more use of the free-write element. We retain so much, whether in drawers and closets or the recesses of the mind. It's good to let the breezes blow through.
Creative and well written! Love the idea of "breezes of the mind."
A good analogy between the mind and the home, and you have worked it through with style and aplomb.
When I've lost something, I close my eyes and wait for the memory of where it was when I last saw it. I also date historical events by the same method, taking me back to long ago homes, rooms and circumstances. A strange thing, the human mind.
Nan,
A beautifully written poem.
I love the parallels between the mind and the home.
Pamela
Like the straight forward manner in which this is written. I flows well. And I think you do a super job moving from the breezes that circulate air in the physical home, to the openness within your own mind.
Elizabeth
I like the blend of narrative and poetry--home and mind. Skillfully done.
http://liv2write2day.wordpress.com/2010/10/30/big-tent-poetry-timekeepers/
Wonderful progression from the home, to the analogy of the mind, to the final haiku which wraps it up so nicely!
Well-written halibun here!
Nicely done indeed!
Nan do you think as we age homes or rooms from our past change in their significance perhaps because the memory of a child is being relived by a grownup? I think you did great with this prompt going after what elements are within the house instead of focusing on one room. Families all have different personalities as do rooms in a home.
I like how clear the narrator is, in both the prose and the haiku:
"contain much, and betray little"
"she smiles sweetly"
... makes me wonder at those tightly packed places we get little detail about!
Enjoyed the read, with themes of space and time and mind.
Hibun filled symbols. Beautiful!
Regards from Poland - assneg
P.S.
My English it's not very well, because I write so little:)
a.
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