#2233 . . . is that a whimper?

Christmas has come and gone. jade page press is officially 10 years old. This is my two-thousand-two-hundred and thirty-third post. I was thinking yesterday that I seem to have lost my blogging mojo, and maybe for good. If this is true, I am going out with a whimper, it seems, because I still like coming back to the keyboard and typing away when the fancy strikes.

I have tried not to be formulaic here. Certainly I have done different things with the blog, keeping some tags going from start until now and letting a few go the way of history. Most posts have kept with the promise of "a writing space . . . nan's musings on the mundane, music & more" - with a few possibly deep or silly thoughts here and there. I have recorded several chapter-lives of my life in these 10 years and it is sort of interesting to see shades of past-mini-lifetimes within this lifetime.

One thing I miss is the time when more people were blogging and reading blogs. There was much more communication and more of a sense of community. This was before there were so many social media outlets (or shall we say, brain-sucks). Even I tend to turn more toward a few quick plays with Words With Friends than to a read a more thoughtful or pithy blog post. These days, when I come here, I tend to just write for myself. I have a few friends who use blog feeds and they see when I have a new post. They will sometimes comment or email. Thanks, for that, you know who you are. Otherwise, my Google Analytics has registered more by-way traffic through Russian servers, likely meaning nothing more than spam traffic or trying to get me to "Vote Trump!" as my Analytics counter has instructed me on the Russian referring traffic URLs since September. Dear God, this world.

I still have my blog reader feed, and do not seem to visit my favorite blogs often  - a big change from my daily reading. My life has taken on some changes this past year. And the changes are not necessarily those things one blogs about. So the blog becomes the place where I can settle in and relax a bit. To place a marker on a song as the internet DJ from WJPP or to talk about a movie. I don't tend to post many family photos anymore (the kids are all growing up and I am keeping those pictures for myself.) I am happy to report that there have continued to be family gatherings, Nutcrackers, times with good friends. Instagram is the quicker place to observe, appreciate and share those images from daily life.

Poetry continues to be a great love, even if I read more than I write. (It's probably better that way, ha ha ha.) Music, and now playing my flute again, is a great love, and joining the concert band is probably the thing that has taken me away from blogging the most as I need to and want to practice whenever I get a spare 30 minutes.

2016 has been a really interesting and difficult year on many levels. Just thinking of the influential people who have died this year and now today the news brings us the death of Carrie Fisher and Richard Adams -- two people who brought me some pleasure with their entertaining gifts. I am finding it hard to have enthusiasm for 2017 in terms of the state of the world and the dawn of a difficult and threatening political era. I feel disappointment with a tinge of fear when I swallow.

And then I take a deep breath and remember to have strength of spirit to move forward. One step. Another step. And another. Smile. Even if you don't feel happiness at first or organically, that smile will create happiness or at least peace. It's true.

So, this isn't goodbye to the blog. On the other hand, I am not making any commitment to continue - or at least continue with any specific frequency or regularity. I have had blog friends who have quit for good (I miss them) and some who quit for a time and came back (I am glad). I may just go out with a whimper - blogging here and there - with gratitude for the space, but letting go of my former disciplined and enthusiastic self. As life's changes cycle through, I may come back here more often again. And who knows? I am going to a movie this afternoon (The Eagle Huntress) that I have been excited to see, so I may be back here tomorrow or the next day. (I am thankfully on vacation this week.)  For now, let's hum that sentimental favorite and keep it in mind:

for auld lang syne, my dear,

for auld lang syne,

we'll take a cup of kindness yet,

for auld lang syne.

And surely you'll buy your pint cup!

and surely I'll buy mine!

And we'll take a cup o kindness yet,

for auld lang syne

images of the season so far

Thanksgiving seems to be further back in the rear view mirror than it really is. Once December arrives, the warp speed of things to do and work being busy make it tricky to remember consistently to be grateful for everyday moments. I am very excited about the holiday concert coming up on Friday, and every spare 30 minutes will be spent practicing. Today I am off to see my parents in their chorale concert about an hour and a half away. I do love the music of the season - especially the more orchestral and less "catchy" pieces. 

I am a bit of an Instagram addict as I try to observe, capture and appreciate small moments in time. Here are a few moments from yesterday (picking out the Christmas tree) and today (coffee by the tree and a brisk walk with a friend at the nearby nature center). For those who follow me on Instagram, you will see that this is a bit of a cheat post. Recycled content with a tiny bit of context. I have blogger's guilt for not being a regular writer here these days. I hope the writing mojo will return. Now, off to do the bills and get ready to travel for the day. Cheers.

a bit of tech support humor

I had a really nice visit with my parents yesterday. I spent a couple of hours providing some computer support for my mom (and just a little bit for my dad) -- recovering folders that had been dragged into other folders, dragged into yet other folders, and teaching how to send attachments again now that the Windows 10 upgrade "changed everything." At the end of our session, I showed my mom this video and she laughed pretty hard. We both agreed she isn't as bad as this... although I have heard the phrases "Slow down! I need to write this down; you are going so fast!" and "I didn't grow up with these things, you know." I always feel badly when we are visiting for a holiday or other occasion and we don't have time to just have a cup of tea, relax, and even spend time doing tech support (much easier in person than it is over the phone, trust me). It was a nice visit. Anyway, I was feeling fairly happy with my own level of technology expertise (and patience) yesterday and then woke up this morning to learn that someone in Armenia had hacked an important account. I spent this morning changing passwords and am hoping that there is no other damage. That's hubris for you. Enjoy your day.

woosh - and just like that.

September passed by like a flash of light. It was a warm and sunny month for the most part. We turned the furnace back on yesterday. The windows will stay mostly closed for the next six months. I will admit that I have to fight against the feeling of sadness that accompanies being kept indoors more. I know we will have some beautiful October days. I will relish them. We'll keep the deck furniture out for another week or so and then it will be time to put it all into storage for another long winter. I don't mind taking walks or hikes in cold weather, but it isn't the same as having access to fresh air on a regular basis.

The cherry tomato plants in the whiskey barrel are still producing tomatoes and flowers like crazy. I can't believe it. I have made fried green tomatoes twice and tomorrow may make up another big batch. It is too cold outside for them to ripen any more, and yet they keep popping out! 

Today I mixed up my first batch of artisan bread dough to rise and refrigerate. I haven't baked since spring, so that will be a nice scent to enjoy in the colder season. I lit candles for the first time last night too - and the glowing, flickering lights in the living room instilled peace and calm. Looking for the good...

Tomorrow I hope to get my flu shot. The memory of the flu last April despite being immunized the previous fall is still very fresh. It.was.awful. I know the flu shot takes about two weeks to kick in and I have some work travels coming up in a couple of weeks. Yes. It's time. 

We are having a catching up weekend. Staying in tonight to read and maybe watch an episode of one of my new favorites on Acorn network called William and Mary. It's new to me - a British drama that ran for three series back in 2003, 2004 and 2005. 

harvest moon lingering

Last night the moon was full and bright. At 2 a.m. I wandered out to the kitchen to get a glass of water and visible, shining ambient light through window glass of the dark house lit my otherwise dark path. It brought me that familiar comfort of the peace I feel when I see that harvest moon. I stared out the window for a few minutes before heading back to sleep that was at times peaceful and at times filled with odd, realistic dreams of other realities.

The full moon reminds us of cycles. Another cycle comes to completion only to begin its slow fade out to black again. I snapped a photo on my iPhone before I went to bed last night. The moon was only half-way up the sky then, and it just couldn't be captured by that camera. Better to just remember it in my mind's eye. Today is a beautiful, autumn day... not too cool, warming up to nearly 80 degrees later, and then cooling down again. The day is as clear as last night was in mirror image. Savor-time.

Enjoy the best song that comes to mind when I think of the Harvest Moon. Here's Neil Young on WJPP - accompanied by some nice images. Thanks, YouTube.

who really knows?

My birthday, as pleasant as it was, has come and gone; Labor Day Weekend, so beautiful as it was, come and gone. The first day of school (on Facebook) has come and gone. [So, so odd to not have a first day of school after 13 years....] Things are abuzz on the campus where I work and I haven't sat down at the home computer to write for a bit of time.

I had mentioned I planned to treat myself to a new flute and I am ecstatic to report that I found a beautiful instrument ... it is hand-made, was pre-owned but well taken care of, and the nicest instrument I have ever played/ owned. In every spare moment I just want to practice! We have had off from band rehearsals since the beginning of August and start up again next week. I cannot wait.

With highs and lows, I try to keep the old Chinese parable with the wise refrain, "we'll see" in my mind to try to stay with some sense of equanimity. Do you know the story? Worth a read and a moment of contemplation.

Meanwhile, enjoy this driving piece, Roll the Bones, by Shakey Graves. Thought-provoking lyrics. I guess we may all be rolling those bones.

saturday skips

silent chimes before dusk - 8.26.2016

Skipping yoga, here I sit sipping a second cuppa with sunshine out the window. I have to work this afternoon and tomorrow evening for the opening of school, making for not a whole lot of weekend, so am savoring a little time at home this morning.

Summer isn't officially over, but it has felt over for me starting this past week. Faculty are back on my campus, buzzing around and getting ready, and I've been working all summer except for a week here and a couple of days there. I try not to sigh too much thinking about what is ahead. Keep smiling and contentment fills in. Summer always goes too quickly for my liking. Even the very hot, humid, drought-filled summer that we had was a needed, needed season after the long winter and minuscule spring. My mother tells me that when I get older and am retired, I will love autumn.

Some of my favorite ways to savor the end of summer include sitting in an anti-gravity chair under the oak tree, or looking at the sky from the deck, listening to the gentle wind chimes and the leaves rustling gently. I've been writing small stone poems over at tiny river splash daily, and that has been fun.

My birthday is around the corner and I am going to treat myself to something I have dreamed about for a long time... not sure when it will happen, but I have started the process. I will be buying a new flute. The one I have had since 1977 was a great flute at that time. Had I gone on to music school, I would have upgraded then, but since I didn't, it didn't make sense to make that investment. As it is, my current flute stayed in its case mostly dormant for 30 years. Now, I am enjoying playing again with the concert band I joined last year and it's time. The musicians around me have some fine instruments, and I know my playing will be enhanced with a better instrument. That high A-flat? Well, that is partly me and partly my flute. I will keep working on it.

I write here so sporadically these days I kind of wonder if anyone reads these posts at all. Yet, I keep coming back to check in as if it is my connection with the unknown reader. Yes, I know I have a few blog friends who check in on me as I do on them. Thanks! Even without readers, this is as much of a diary as I have ever kept. It is interesting to observe what I choose to give words to and what stays hidden. The same goes for my other social media fun outlets Instagram or Facebook. What do I choose to "capture" and share, and what do I let go or just experience privately. It's a curious time we live in.

Anyway, have a lovely day. I hope to do the same. 

the return

We returned from a week at the lake on Friday afternoon. Here are just a few photos for you. I took so many it was hard to pick just what to post here.

Yesterday was spent in laundry and readying-for-the-week-ahead mode. Today has just a few things on the list as I prepare to go back to the routine tomorrow.

This annual lake vacation is something I treasure. We enjoyed the beauty of the Adirondacks... a cloudy day, a brief heavy rain, a nighttime thunder storm, and mostly perfectly sunny, breezy, warm days. The sunsets were beautiful. The week included some reading, a couple of mountain climbs, one tennis match, swimming, card playing, and taking in the vistas.

Not only is the environment completely re-charging, but I get to spend it with my family, recalling years of good memories and creating some new ones. To be together (and apart) in one familiar place is a lot of fun. Each year we have a pitch tournament (card game) and one team of two ends up with first prize mug "trophies." We take turns cooking and we go out to eat a couple of times. We have a lot of little traditions. Each year is different, and each year has common threads.

No week "all together" is completely perfect of course. There are a few moments of "button pushing," where we are reminded of the enmeshment of personalities that make up a large family. Someone might be sad one year due to one loss or another. This year we all grappled in one way or another with the loss (by impending divorce) of a brother-in-law. We all missed the old "entire" family after many, many years. We remember lasts. (Last year he was with us). There are new firsts. (This year my other sister had her longtime boyfriend stay for a few nights.) We know that future years will hold other losses. Loss is part of life, and life is all the sweeter to appreciate what we have right now.

Another thing I realized, and I don't know why I was so surprised by this, but vacations are different when your child gets older. The teen arrived late to the week and left early due to his work schedule, and it was odd and a bit worrisome to have him away from us for three of the days. Thank goodness for text messaging to give me some reassurances. Probably my happiest snapshot memory this past week was the night before the teen had to leave, and all the cousins knew it, they all decided to run to a dock and jump in the water (some in their clothes...) and go night swimming. They actually without realizing it jumped in in age order with my guy first, then the other four cousins following -- with just a moment's hesitation by the youngest (10) before she plunked in. They swam together to a shallower part and played in the water and they tapped into that happy, carefree childhood place that I wish we could bottle.

Every year, I see a friend and colleague from within my university system who vacations the same week we do nearby with her extended family.  We see each other more on the beach in this one week of the year than we do otherwise because she lives/works about 3 hours from where I do. Her children are still young and she doesn't get to relax much. We had a laugh about how she was jealous of me being able to read in a chair at the beach area, not having to be lifeguard, being able to relax during the days ... Meanwhile, I was a bit jealous of that sweet time with a young child when I knew everything about when my son played, ate, and slept. Now, I am awake many nights at 3 a.m. when my son is at his late night food delivering job and I wonder if he is safe, if he is tired, if he is eating properly (because he certainly doesn't have a good sleep cycle.) I guess being a parent means to never relax if you let that stress and worry and fear get to you -- and it means coming into harmony with those things as possible. My mom and I had a talk about letting go of "control" in being a parent. She wisely stated that it is a fine line between "control" and "responsibility," and finding that balance is the key.

Separation is normal, and it happens, and I suppose we are never quite ready for it. The challenge is to have a strong mind, a present mind, and I did okay. One thing I decided to do was the #AwakeAugust small stones writing month. I haven't been writing much lately. The small stones form is a form I very much enjoy. If you are interested, they are posted over at tiny river splash.

So, off to the day I go. Holding onto this inner Adirondacks peace as long as I possibly can. Ciao.

high hopes

Friends, having trouble blogging poetry or positive thoughts lately. Words are on my finger tips. I am seeking wisdom and comfort in the words and voices of others right now. The state of the world is depressing. I can't bring myself to blog about the RNC or Donald Trump or race relations and the violence that is going on between certain lives and certain other lives because I get seriously nauseated (and/or numb).

Even with all the privilege I have allowing me at times to bury my head in the sand, everyday life can be challenging in its own ways. Living moment to moment is good - and I am finding wonderful distractions, however temporary they may be. This is a melancholy selection. It is a beautiful selection.

Enjoy this track off Pink Floyd's 1994 Division Bell called High Hopes. I posted another version of this song back in 2012, but the video has been taken down. It is worthy of repeating.

Pasted below is a selection from one of my favorite writers Anne Lamott who recently provided some powerful inspiration. She is a bit too "born again" for me at times*, but I adore her writing and her fierce, loving voice, wit, and intelligence. (*Don't get me wrong, I have faith and seek to experience the divinity of the universe . . . I just don't have the specific faith beliefs she ascribes to. Her progressive and liberal activism is admirable. When she asks WWJJD? She really looks into what that means!)

"Life has always been this scary here, and we have always been as vulnerable as kittens. Plagues and Visigoths, snakes and schizophrenia; Cain is still killing Abel and nature means that everyone dies. I hate this. It's too horrible for words. When my son was seven and found out that he and I would not die at the exact same second, he said, crying, "If I had known this, I wouldn't have agreed to be born." Don't you feel like that sometime?

My father's mother lost a small child in the 1918 flu pandemic. Someone in the family is having a nervous breakdown. A yoga teacher was shot down the road last year by some druggies, while walking on a foot path. A yoga teacher! And then in recent weeks, Orlando, police shooting innocent people, and innocent police officers being shot, and now Nice.

How on Earth do we respond, when we are stunned and scared and overwhelmed, to the point of almost disbelieving?

I wish there was an 800 number we could call to find out, so I could pass this along to my worried Sunday School kids.But no. Yet in the meantime, I know that we MUST respond We must respond with a show of force equal to the violence and tragedies, with love force. Mercy force. Un-negotiated compassion force. Crazy care-giving to the poor and suffering, including ourselves. Patience with a deeply irritating provocative mother. Two dollar bills to the extremely annoying guy at the intersection who you think maybe could be working, or is going to spend your money on beer. Jesus didn't ask the blind man what he was going to look at after He restored the man's sight. He just gave hope and sight; He just healed. To whom can you give hope and sight today. What about to me, and disappointing old you? Radical self-care: healthy food, patience and a friendly tone of voice, lotions on the jiggly things, forgiving pants, lots of sunscreen and snacks. Maybe the random magazine.
Do you have your last computer on the shelf, that you really don't have time or effort to take to the after-school program in your town--but you are going to do today? Go flirt with the oldest people at the market--tell them you are glad to see them. Voila: Hope and sight.

Remember the guys in the Bible whose friend was paralyzed, but couldn't get in close to see Jesus preach and heal, so they carried him on a cot, climbed the roof, and lowered him down for the healing? Can a few of you band together--just for today--and carry someone to the healing? To the zen-do? To a meeting? Help a neighbor who is going under, maybe band together to haul their junk to the dump? Shop for sales for a canned food drive at the local temple or mosque? How about three anonymous good deeds?

There is no healing in pretending this bizarre violent stuff is not going on, and that there is some cute bumper sticker silver lining. (It is fine if you believe this, but for the love of God, PLEASE keep it to yourself. it will just tense us all up.) What is true is that the world has always been this way, people have always been this way, grace always bats last, it just does--and finally, when all is said and done, and the dust settles, which it does, Love is sovereign here."  Anne Lamott

fog and vision

The state of the world is terrifying right now. On the flip side so many good-hearted individuals live kind lives and cultivate peace on individual bases. The violence and threats of violence going on not just abroad but here in the U.S. is disheartening and depressing. Some of the problems are so deeply rooted, so knotted, it seems impossible to find peace. I have been walking around wearing this cloak of sadness at the events in the U.S. just after us celebrating "independence" and during this celebration we call summer.  Don't get me wrong, I have sought out fun whenever and wherever possible - and I have the privilege to be able to temporarily forget and cast off the cloak before I remember it is still on. I have had to avoid Facebook where I see the #blacklivesmatter and #bluelivesmatter posts seemingly in conflict with one another. It is so painful to read the posts of my black friends, and it is so sad and depressing to read the thinly veiled racist posts of some of my white "friends" on Facebook (not my closest friends, but nonetheless, people I am connected with on social media). And we aren't even talking Hillary and Trump here. The best thing I saw was this. Trevor Noah on The Daily Show explaining that being pro-black and pro-cop is not mutually exclusive.

So, I am praying for peace and focusing on what it means to be free. Violence toward others and self can be countered only on an individual basis first. May hope spring eternal.

This quote by Thich Nhat Hanh is guiding and affirming: “Freedom is not given to us by anyone; we have to cultivate it ourselves. It is a daily practice... No one can prevent you from being aware of each step you take or each breath in and breath out.”

a few weeks later and I still stand

Hello blog. It's me, Nan. It's not that I haven't thought about you. I just don't know where time goes.

Perhaps it is by design that when one's child hits the milestone of high school graduation, things go warp speed busy and it keeps the parent from getting debilitated with emotion. So there's that. The child is ready to move forward, and the parent is right there to scaffold. To stand solid. I have not had a meltdown and I hope that with good breathing and maybe a catch-up on rest (?) I will be able to stay observant and present and can avoid that whole breakdown scene.

Since I last wrote, we had the actual high school graduation on the evening of June 24th, grandparents in town for that weekend. I was very proud to see a smiling young man cross the stage. The local newspaper photographer who knows Tom and me snapped this photo when he heard our last name. I couldn't have gotten such a shot! (Thanks, Bob.)

We went to a few parties for other kids during the week, and then hosted our shindig for mostly family, all of whom are from out of town, a few local friends and neighbors the following weekend, this past Saturday. We were expecting between 50-60 and my count was 52 with a couple of last minute cancellations. Some family stayed in town for the weekend and others made it a day trip.

Each night of the two weeks prior to our party included to-do list items to check off. It's funny how having an event like that has you look around and see the things you routinely look past in your house... like baskets of of papers to weed through and cull and neaten, and collections of "stuff" that can go. The yard was spruced (and as we did so, I fondly recalled that from Matt ages 2-12 there was a swing set there, and from ages 8-17 there was an above ground pool there...). The tent went up, we set up tables and chairs, blew up helium balloons, decorated . . . then there was the food and beverages . . . and cake . . . and then the people arrived, chatting and laughter filled the air, music played, and then the people departed group by group, followed by the clean up. In my mind I sort of remember it in time lapse. From nothing it emerges, tent, tables and chairs, stuff, people --  and then it all retreats back . . . people then tables and chairs away; tent comes down and gets put away . . .


In addition to the grad party, the event doubled as a bit of a family reunion for both sides of our families who don't see each other all that often, and we also celebrated my godchild's 9th birthday with a special cake just for her. What a day! I was too busy during the actual event to get a photo of the gestalt, but I did snap this shot of the tent from the deck before the tables came down...

Today I have the day off, and I know this seems a bit much, but I have a to-do list for my day off. I have to practice my flute, something I have neglected this week, for my concert on Thursday night. We are playing some fun and challenging music and I need to get myself fully ready. Dress rehearsal is tonight. It's back to work tomorrow. Work for me in the summer is a different kind of pace with more reports and deadlines than meetings with people. I was only able to take one day off prior to the party (the day before) because work has been so busy. I am really glad I took today off as a recovery day. Needed and appreciated!

If you are taking time to read this post, thanks for staying with Jade Page Press during this dry summer. We may get more rain yet. And for something funny, give this piece a read on what a 1970s mom blog might have been like! https://www.babble.com/parenting/if-70s-moms-had-blogs/. Ciao!

a song to fit life

Perfect for this evening. A favorite song performed in a beautiful location on a cool instrument in a really relaxing, comfortably numb manner. Thanks Jamie Dupuis! Heading back outdoors to take in the breezes and fresh air of the deck. After enjoying this video on my phone while relaxing in the anti-gravity chair, I had to come in to post this. Will be back soon to do a "round up" post of where I've been lately. All is well. I have tomorrow off from work, so I hope to find a moment or two to jot a few words here at the old blog. WJPP saying Happy Fourth of July. Namaste!

 

voices and breathing - how they should be

WJPP here bringing you a recent NPR Tiny Desk Concert with Jesca Hoop and Sam Beam. They perform three songs off their new collaborative record, Love Letters For Fire. This set is perfectly relaxing and a nice reminder of the inner state I should tune into even when I have about 7 hours of "to do" ahead on this Sunday. I am trying hard to keep on track with what has to be done before the next three busy weekends... visit to Dad Saturday and then concert Sunday next weekend, high school graduation the following weekend, and graduation party the following.

I really enjoyed the Tiny Desk description of this gorgeous music: "the album's sound fits right where you'd hope it would: between the inventive hookiness of Hoop's terrific solo work and the more somber ruminations of the work Beam makes at the head of Iron & Wine." Lovely harmonies. Set list: "Sailor To Siren," "Know The Wild That Wants You," "Every Songbird Says."

Carry on.

tree (and other kinds of) phases

The pin oak finally has its early summer leaves in full. Today was a lovely, sunny, hot day -- and I am glad I put off household chores until tomorrow when it is supposed to rain. The annual geraniums and petunias, etc. are planted and the cherry tomato plants are in the wine barrel. We are looking ahead about a month for the high school graduation party to mark the occasion of the teen's graduation.

Matt graduates from high school in three short weeks. He has decided to take a gap year next year -- not a bad thing for a 17 year old who isn't sure what he wants to do. He plans to request an admission deferral from the college where we paid an early deposit. And so it goes. We aren't exactly sure how he will spend next year yet, but time will certainly tell and he has some options.

With all our family and many friends out of town, having a graduation party is going to be one of the biggest events I have planned here at our house. Tomorrow I plan to make my "to do" list and I have a feeling I will be very busy getting everything ready. The pool was removed from the back yard last year and grass is growing in the area where it used to be. With any luck, it will be ready for prime time in another few weeks. Now I am just praying for some good weather. The tent is ordered, regardless.

Enjoy what remains of the weekend. I am enjoying the birdsong of our local house wren couple (who beat out tree swallows for one of our two bird houses), a local chickadee couple (hunkered down in our other birdhouse), and assorted robins, catbirds, finches, chipping sparrows, mourning doves, cardinals, red winged blackbirds and others! I love this time of year!

ups and downs of spring

It's May 15th. We've had a bit of sunshine since early April, but not a lot. Rather, we have had an abundance of rain and clouds and cold here in Central New York. After a low 70s and sunny Friday, we are having a low 40s day - feels like 35 degrees -- and we can now see snowflakes flying outside.Yes, that's right. I said snowflakes. They won't stick, but really now?

Please enjoy these flowers given to me by my friend Carol last weekend. We had a dinner and "let's watch Kimmy Schmidt" party, which turned into a "let's stream old Strangers with Candy episodes" evening. She knows I love purple tulips and so this is what she does when I say please don't bring anything.

I love how tulips start all straight up pretty, and then they wildly wind out and down, until each beautiful flower nearly hits the table. It's like watching a gradual and complete surrender. It's a yoga pose in slow motion. And they all fall down. Beauty right until the end.

change the world

bring joy.

find joy.

thisisindexed.com by Jessica Hagy

It's that time of year . . . college graduations! These past two weekends, two great young people I have known since birth and age two respectively earned their bachelor's degrees. So proud of Sarah and Cory. Yesterday was a 13-hour day as a marshal for three commencement ceremonies at my campus (9:30 a.m., 2:30 p.m., and 7 p.m.). I enjoy all the pomp and circumstance, emotions, chance to support our students one more time before they move on. My job this year was lead student line marshal. It is both fun and hectic as I had to make announcements, answer questions (mainly from colleagues who hadn't paid attention during rehearsal) and most importantly count no more than 17 students into each row (after row after row) in the arena so that we didn't have any impromptu games of musical chairs after the procession. I heard several speeches, and a couple of them I got to hear three times. Two of the many were absolutely fantastic. The student speech was solid and heartfelt. Perhaps because I heard it three times or perhaps because I think highly of the student, part of it is staying with me. The student shared this Leo Buscaglia quote:

“Ancient Egyptians believed that upon death they would be asked two questions and their answers would determine whether they could continue their journey in the afterlife. The first question was, 'Did you bring joy?' The second was, 'Did you find joy?”

Fellow graduates and audience were reminded to bring joy and to find joy in life as they journey forward. Add to that the faith we all find in others and in ourselves and I don't think it is a platitude to suggest that we can change the world - even little by little. Let's do it.

come and gone

May Day has come and gone. We turn the page into another month. You can't tell by the weather. It stays gray and rainy and mostly cold. This is spring in Central New York. All those poetic wanderings about crocuses and sunshine and tree buds? We will see the green and flowers all at once and suddenly. After a few sporadic previews, summer will have arrived while we were waiting.

The good news is, we keep busy, and know how to entertain ourselves. It was a good weekend. We get a bit more rest these days than when the teen played baseball every wakeful hour in spring/summer and we were traveling all over the place to games. I miss those days a little, but I am moving onto the present chapter. He is well occupied with his girlfriend, volunteering at the SPCA, hiking, etc.

This past weekend included some "back to normal after the flu" activities. I finally felt my energy returning in earnest. I am using the inhaler less and the cough is finally not as frequent or as deep. I got to yoga. We binge-watched some Grantchester. I baked bread. We went to our friends' home for a barbecue and to sit by their fire pit with a beverage. And best of all, after about 5 weeks of barely being able to wake up at my alarm, excessive snooze-buttoning and not exercising, I got up this morning on first ring, did my modest 25 minute routine and am heading into the week with energy. I feel alive again. The past month or so was literally and figuratively a drag.

Wishing you a good week ahead. Do take a listen to this live take from KEXP via YouTube off Shearwater's new album. This is called "Wildlife in America." If you listen well to the lyrics, the theme reminds me just a bit of another song to a lost soul . . . (Shine On You Crazy Diamond). This, however, has that Shearwater sound. Love it.

vying for a record

Hello there. With just one more day to go in April, I realize I have been an unusually lazy blogger (for me) this month! I have been known to quote T.S. Elliot's The Wasteland this time of year, especially working in higher education: "April is the cruellest month." Of course Elliott was referring to something other than what we might be complaining about (the mostly wintery weather when everyone else seems to get spring - but a few days where we can taste spring - and the fact that it is really, really busy with student issues and events).

The New Yorker

I have been blogging here since December 2006. It started out slowly as a temporary project, but I quickly got the hang of it and generally speaking, when zooming through the archive list, I can see that my monthly post count is generally anywhere from 15 to 25 posts per month (with a couple of months where the posts count was in the 50s because I participated in an online poem-a-day for the month). My lowest post count of 8 posts in a month goes back to June 2007. With this morning's post, I am tying that low. That is a record of sorts. Maybe I will blog tomorrow and dig out.

I had all good intentions of spending some writing time earlier this week when Tom and Matt jaunted off to Florida to visit friends during the school spring break. I pretty much had Saturday through Wed. to myself and managed to occupy the time elsewhere . . . having my parents for a visit Sunday, cooking and baking, practicing my band music for an upcoming concert, binge-watching Doc Martin's last series on Acorn, and starting in on Grantchester, a fast new Amazon Prime "friend." While the boys enjoyed warm temperatures and sunshine, I have been here at home enjoying gray skies, temps in the 30s and 40s, and even one really soggy and rainy day. Work is work - no complaints. 

Anyway, off to the day. This post was mainly about getting the count for April up to 8 measly posts. It's not a new low, after all. 

sprung

"We will be more successful in all our endeavors if we can let go of the habit of running all the time, and take little pauses to relax and re-center ourselves. And we'll also have a lot more joy in living." 
                                  ~Thich Nhat Hanh

This is the view from the other deck lounge chair after work yesterday. It was 63 degrees F at 6 p.m. I can't tell you how welcome this good weather is, finally, after the last of the snow melted this past week.

The blogging drought has continued as I found myself  working programs half-day Saturday and half day Sunday last weekend, and then every evening this past week. (Well, except last night when I blew off a dinner and early evening program with students telling them the truth: I was out of gas on a Friday evening.) It was such a busy week and my energy is lagging while a nasty sounding cough hangs on (it doesn't hurt, but it sounds like it does.)

I am planning on a restful weekend, this. I hope to get back to practicing my flute, making bread, and possibly doing yoga from home. The deck chair is calling me, and fresh air and sunshine will also do good.

The husband and teen are off looking at a car the teen found online. It doesn't look or sound like a good deal, but the teen is car crazy right now. Thank goodness for the husband's patience and willingness to literally go along for the ride.

Have a nice weekend and I hope to be back soon!

every songbird says

I woke up this morning, April 8th, to look out the window at horizontally blowing snow. Big white flakes blowing in a hard wind. I saw a little red house finch grabbing a quick breakfast while perched at the feeder. The birds chirp even in this unseemly weather. It reminded me of that blackbird singing in the dead of night and how resilient we all are. We have to find our song.

Then, coincidentally, because I was up early and have a little extra time this morning, I sat down at the computer to flip through a few screens. I found NPR's First Listen of Sam Beam and Jesca Hoop's Love Letter for Fire album. (Sam Beam of Iron and Wine, and one of my favorites, previously featured here at WJPP, Jesca Hoop have teamed up for a great album of duets.)

I listened through the songs as I got ready for the day, and my favorite song of the batch I heard, before I even really listened to the lyrics or knew the title was this one. It is entitled "Every Songbird Says." What a sweet, wonderful, love song! What a happy feeling! Lyrics, here. This is just what I needed to start my Friday heading into a weekend when I have to work half days both tomorrow and Sunday. If you need a little battery charge, go back to the link for First Listen and stream through this whole album. Very nice!