a few weeks later and I still stand

Hello blog. It's me, Nan. It's not that I haven't thought about you. I just don't know where time goes.

Perhaps it is by design that when one's child hits the milestone of high school graduation, things go warp speed busy and it keeps the parent from getting debilitated with emotion. So there's that. The child is ready to move forward, and the parent is right there to scaffold. To stand solid. I have not had a meltdown and I hope that with good breathing and maybe a catch-up on rest (?) I will be able to stay observant and present and can avoid that whole breakdown scene.

Since I last wrote, we had the actual high school graduation on the evening of June 24th, grandparents in town for that weekend. I was very proud to see a smiling young man cross the stage. The local newspaper photographer who knows Tom and me snapped this photo when he heard our last name. I couldn't have gotten such a shot! (Thanks, Bob.)

We went to a few parties for other kids during the week, and then hosted our shindig for mostly family, all of whom are from out of town, a few local friends and neighbors the following weekend, this past Saturday. We were expecting between 50-60 and my count was 52 with a couple of last minute cancellations. Some family stayed in town for the weekend and others made it a day trip.

Each night of the two weeks prior to our party included to-do list items to check off. It's funny how having an event like that has you look around and see the things you routinely look past in your house... like baskets of of papers to weed through and cull and neaten, and collections of "stuff" that can go. The yard was spruced (and as we did so, I fondly recalled that from Matt ages 2-12 there was a swing set there, and from ages 8-17 there was an above ground pool there...). The tent went up, we set up tables and chairs, blew up helium balloons, decorated . . . then there was the food and beverages . . . and cake . . . and then the people arrived, chatting and laughter filled the air, music played, and then the people departed group by group, followed by the clean up. In my mind I sort of remember it in time lapse. From nothing it emerges, tent, tables and chairs, stuff, people --  and then it all retreats back . . . people then tables and chairs away; tent comes down and gets put away . . .


In addition to the grad party, the event doubled as a bit of a family reunion for both sides of our families who don't see each other all that often, and we also celebrated my godchild's 9th birthday with a special cake just for her. What a day! I was too busy during the actual event to get a photo of the gestalt, but I did snap this shot of the tent from the deck before the tables came down...

Today I have the day off, and I know this seems a bit much, but I have a to-do list for my day off. I have to practice my flute, something I have neglected this week, for my concert on Thursday night. We are playing some fun and challenging music and I need to get myself fully ready. Dress rehearsal is tonight. It's back to work tomorrow. Work for me in the summer is a different kind of pace with more reports and deadlines than meetings with people. I was only able to take one day off prior to the party (the day before) because work has been so busy. I am really glad I took today off as a recovery day. Needed and appreciated!

If you are taking time to read this post, thanks for staying with Jade Page Press during this dry summer. We may get more rain yet. And for something funny, give this piece a read on what a 1970s mom blog might have been like! https://www.babble.com/parenting/if-70s-moms-had-blogs/. Ciao!

tree (and other kinds of) phases

The pin oak finally has its early summer leaves in full. Today was a lovely, sunny, hot day -- and I am glad I put off household chores until tomorrow when it is supposed to rain. The annual geraniums and petunias, etc. are planted and the cherry tomato plants are in the wine barrel. We are looking ahead about a month for the high school graduation party to mark the occasion of the teen's graduation.

Matt graduates from high school in three short weeks. He has decided to take a gap year next year -- not a bad thing for a 17 year old who isn't sure what he wants to do. He plans to request an admission deferral from the college where we paid an early deposit. And so it goes. We aren't exactly sure how he will spend next year yet, but time will certainly tell and he has some options.

With all our family and many friends out of town, having a graduation party is going to be one of the biggest events I have planned here at our house. Tomorrow I plan to make my "to do" list and I have a feeling I will be very busy getting everything ready. The pool was removed from the back yard last year and grass is growing in the area where it used to be. With any luck, it will be ready for prime time in another few weeks. Now I am just praying for some good weather. The tent is ordered, regardless.

Enjoy what remains of the weekend. I am enjoying the birdsong of our local house wren couple (who beat out tree swallows for one of our two bird houses), a local chickadee couple (hunkered down in our other birdhouse), and assorted robins, catbirds, finches, chipping sparrows, mourning doves, cardinals, red winged blackbirds and others! I love this time of year!

sweetness and sweet, sweet jane

Heavenly widened roses

seem to whisper to me when you smile

I am listening to my late 1980s / early 90s music this week. Before the child was born, I bought tons and tons of CDs. It has been fun to revisit them as I dig through what I call "the closed stacks." I had this great idea around 1995 to buy three-ring CD-holding binders to put all my CDs into. Each binder holds about 100 CDs and literature, sans hard plastic cases. And so they are in alpha order in about 6 large binders.

Now, I don't have 600 CDs from the 80s and 90s. I have quite a few, but during that time I re-purchased CDs that I had previously had in cassette or album form - so the eras span going back to the 1970s and earlier. I have a classical section, a jazz section, a meditation section, a blues section, a Christmas section, and then the rest is rock, alternative, new age and pop, etc. With the closed stacks, just like at a big library, I have to know what I am after to go find the music - or I have to be feeling "random" to flip through the pages to see what grabs my interest.

CDs purchased after 1995 are in the "open stacks" (unless I had extra spaces saved in the closed stacks  for say, Joni or U2 or REM or Pink Floyd). Yes, the open stacks are also in alpha order except for one growing pile of recent plays. They are on shelves that I can scan. I have to admit, closed stacks were a mistake, even if they will be easier to move someday. I am much more likely to scan the open stacks. Just like when I used to go to a library for pleasure vs. for research. Open stacks are much better for pleasure searching.

Anyway, I digress. I specifically went looking in the closed stacks today for The Trinity Session CD by Cowboy Junkies. Why did I seek that out? Because Cowboy Junkies are coming to our area in February, and I got tickets! I can't wait. Here is a tune off that album. Enjoy the smoky goodness. WJPP signing out!

oak stance

the big oak tree
stands
present for all
the happiness of birds
singing
and flitting through branches
woodpecker tapping
chipmunks racing
inch worms booking it
down and up the trunk's bark

she is there in gentle breezes
with sunshine filtering through
rustling leaves
and through tumultuous storms
rain and wind and snow and hail

observing, in equanimity,
when the sharp-shinned hawk
slices through the air and picks
off the robin's nest of eggs
or the beautiful northern flicker
or a baby rabbit

birth and death
celebration and pain
summer, winter
and everything in between

© nan, 2015


I wrote this after thinking about the oak stance I tend to take when things are going well. I am ever conscious that even when celebrating something good, others may be experiencing pain or loss or hardship. It isn't that I don't want to be happy. I do - and I am. I am just trying to remember to keep things in oak stance and remember equanimity as often as possible.

Back in December, I mentioned that I returned to my former campus for an interim position. I knew the position would eventually be searched, and it was earlier this summer. The process of the search can take at minimum a couple of months. I formally applied at the end of June, and then at the end of July had a phone interview. I went on vacation not knowing if or when I would get the in-person campus interview (although I felt that I would since the past eight months have gone very well and I have worked very hard to show the powers that be that this was a very good mutual fit).

Three days into vacation, I got an email (I had told them I wouldn't have much cell service) asking me to have a formal campus interview on the day I was due back in the office - last Monday. I said yes, and found it interesting that I had no time to buy a new suit (or anything new to wear) or even really prepare. (Certainly though, actually serving the position as long as I have and a thoughtful job application process did prepare me...) I had not brought my materials with me on vacation. I went in a week ago today and did a decent job of the day-long interview. The other finalist came in the following day. By Friday afternoon, I had a verbal offer. It is time to celebrate! (And I did... both Friday and Saturday nights!) I am off today, a planned vacation day, contemplating how much changed in just one week.

Things can change in an instant. Sometimes for good and sometimes for bad. During this celebration, I am conscious of some very challenging times that some people I love are going through. I won't let it take away my joy, but I am keeping joy in appropriate check. Equanimity, please. I'd like to keep this oak stance going, thanks.

friday night find

It has been a long week. I am happy to report that I had a successful surgery Monday. I took off two days from work, and worked tired these last three days. The results are in and all is benign, so there is that.

In other news of the curious and amazing... my child, seemingly just yesterday toddling around, passed his driver license test on the first try on Wednesday. I am both happy and terrified. We of course wanted him to pass for his own self-confidence, but part of me thought it might be okay to have to give it more than one try... As it turned out, in some bizarre combination of factors, he lost points for both going too slowly in one snowy patch of roads, to losing points for palming the wheel on a turn like Joe Cool. (Heyyy, Ms. Instructor, you come here often? [palms-wheel-on-turn-casually.] Despite losing points on those two things... he earned enough points to pass. And, wow, is it expensive to add a teenage driver with a junior license to the family auto insurance!

If getting his license wasn't enough to jolt me into a new reality, we just signed him up for the ACT exam next month, and I will have to begin to accept the reality that he will be heading off to college in another year and a half. Time flies.

The Friday Night Find here at WJPP is a song off Steven Wilson's new album, Hand.Cannot.Erase, called Perfect Life.  I heard an interview of Steven talking about this song, and what it comes down to is a sense of nostalgia in remembering those perfect, fleeting, times in our lives. Steven talks about this song as a sort of "looking back at childhood and realizing that there was this incredibly perfect moment... but looking back at that perfect moment with all the kind of melancholy that that implies,  of knowing that you will never be able to capture that feeling again  and capture that moment again. And I think that's implicit with nostalgia.. nostalgia always has a kind of melancholia, and sense of loss - almost attached to it by definition,  because you are looking back at something you know you can never really feel that way again - so perfect life has that kind of sense of happiness but also sense of melancholia...." So, enjoy. The filming and light in this video have a surreal feel. Thought-and-emotion provoking stuff. Have a very nice weekend.

miscellanea on a saturday in april

Bald Eagle feeding its young, CNY

A few Saturday thoughts . . .

• I just learned via email that I posted my 1000th post on Tumblr. Most were re-blogs, but what-evs? What a fun platform that is. Tumblr suggested I do a post about it. I think they meant on Tumblr. Such a rebel I am.
• Last evening, I had the good fortune to see some bald eagles just before the sunset (2 huge birds on a large nest, feeding 2 fuzzy-headed chicks) . . . thanks to an ornithologist friend who has a magnificent telescope. I even snapped some pics with my phone camera by holding it up to the lens. Unfortunately I wasn't able to snap the moment when the adult lifted its head, so this was the clearest shot I got. These birds are enormous!
• Sadly I am skipping Saturday yoga at this very moment due to a not-so-nice sinus headache (yes, the health woes continue as I went back to the doc yesterday with the second day of mild fever and learned that I never really got better after the last round of antibiotics, and I am now on another round and this time for sinusitis.) Boo hiss. 
• Taking it easy is not easy for me. I will try my best. I have some Easter dishes to prepare for a family dinner tomorrow and the usual weekend chores. Hard to determine which ball to drop.
• Whatever you are up to for the weekend, do enjoy it. The weather here is supposed to be sunny and warmish. I am so, so happy about that! 

acts of kindness and saving grace

My dear brother-in-law Charlie has had a rough five years health-wise. During this time, his kidney ailment had gotten to the point where he needed frequent, regular dialysis -- an unpleasant and disabling activity. He has maintained as much cheerfulness and as positive an attitude as humanly possible, but he was beginning to wear down of late. Several family members attempted to see if they could donate a kidney, as did his good friend, and things were close in one case, but factors resulted in this not being possible. This past week, he got the call. He was finally the recipient of a kidney match (after having some close possibilities for two years... tough to be #2 or #3 in line when you can see that the quality of your life could immediately improve.)

It has been a long, hard week, but Charlie is doing well now and things are looking positive. We are excited to go see him this weekend. He is such a good soul, I wish everyone could know him. His jokes are bad (but funny) and he is so bright and loving. He will kick anyone's butt in Scrabble and is a voracious reader. He is a special uncle to Matt. We are so lucky to have him, and now to have him fully back. He cannot wait to have an ice cream sundae with bananas... kidney issues restricted a lot of good things in his diet. 

We are all feeling deeply grateful to the donor and the donor's family for the gift of this organ that will give Charlie his life back. When I was younger, I was afraid of organ donation. I no longer am and have since changed my driver's license. When I go, if there are parts of this body that can help another family keep their "Chaz," it will be my privilege to help out. I hope anyone reading this will consider this as well. Things like transplants seem like far away concepts when we read about them in the news . . . until it hits close to home. Thank you, thank you, and thank you, dear donor and family.

a blackbird sings

I am honored that a couple of my small stones were selected this past summer for inclusion in the second anthology of small stone poems edited by Fiona Robyn and Kaspalita. A Blackbird Sings: A Book of Short Poems,Woodsmoke Press, is available on Amazon.com. I just got my paperback in the mail yesterday.

On November 1, 2012, a free Kindle download will be offered. (I have a Nook, but luckily was able to get a contributor's copy on PDF to load up.) My two poems appear on pp. 42 and 46. Exciting.

This is the second time I have submitted something to be included in a publication, and I am now two for two in getting something selected and published. (The previous anthology was published in spring 2011.) It may give me enough courage to submit some of my other poetry somewhere, someday. We'll see.

And in keeping with the theme of this book's title, enjoy this rendition of one of my favorite Beatles' songs performed by Corinne Bailey Rae and Herbie Hancock: http://youtu.be/6sn-syCPRyM.

when an upset is great news

We interrupt this blog of music, poetry and musings to bring you late-breaking sports news of a Little League nature. Matt's Little League All-star team played in a division final game last night against last year's state-championship team. They weren't expected to win the regional pool, and they did! Now they advance to the next bracket -- further on into the series than any area team in the past four years (our league is only four years young).

Anyway, near the end of this brief TV news clip below, Matt catches the right field fly out to end the game with two guys on base, score 3-2, two outs. They erroneously credit relief pitcher Dylan Brown with catching the final out, but it was our Matt! (He is also the guy earlier in the video, at about :38 seconds, who slides home to try to tie the score and is tagged out by the opposing catcher. What I really love is seeing all the boys hopping into the cheering mix to swarm their teammate who hit the game winning home run. It was very exciting.

Click HERE to watch the news clip.

A funny side story on this 3-game tournament is that our guys were playing teams from a bigger Syracuse city region, from more established leagues, and they felt at times a bit out of their element. They nicknamed themselves the Crown City Woodchucks because they figured that is what the opposing players took them for . . . smaller town woodchucks. They had some good laughs, and before the game yesterday, a woodchuck was seen emerging from the ground nearby their dugout. One of them said, "it's a SIGN." Ha ha! The woodchuck RISES! And these young woodchucks certainly rose to the occasion.

pay attention

I was very excited to learn that one of my "small stones" submitted to a river of stones for their book project was accepted for publication! The book is comprised of more than 300 small stones written by people from all over the world.

Fiona and Kaspa invited participants of the January project to submit up to 10 small stones for consideration. It was an interesting process trying to select 10 from 31. One was selected. Which one? It was not one I necessarily expected to be selected. It is the urban birdsong stone, and it can be found on p. 38 of the 128 page book. It was thrill to see it in print (well, in the e-download).

The book is called pay attention: a river of stones. If you are interested in ordering a copy of the book (paperback, hardcover, or e-book download), you can visit the links from the river of stones site, here. Right now the book is only available at Lulu, but it will be available on Amazon soon. Not sure about Barnes and Noble. Hope so. Anyway, you can get a 20% discount through Monday at midnight using the code GIANT305.

laugh!

Last month I read an article about laughter yoga in The New Yorker, and it made a whole lot of sense. Laughing is good for us! We know this instinctively. When we are with our favorite people, we tend to laugh, and at the end of our time together, we just feel better than we did before. Several of my blog friends are posting this John Cleese video (below) on the subject of laughter yoga. Check it out. Even fake laughing has positive chemical effects on our bodies.

This summer, I took a yoga class in which the instructor kept reminding us to smile. At the beginning of the yoga class, I didn't really feel like smiling at all and I kind of groaned inside. But forcing myself to smile made me feel lighter within minutes. At the end of the class the smile was naturally emanating and it made me feel good.

There are trying times in life. Keeping laughter yoga and even just the practice of smiling as resources will certainly help pull us through. Try it! It really works. I wish I had thought to do this more during a period in my life I now call "the infertility chapter." I went through episodic depression, and I wonder if practicing laughter more often would have helped me get through it faster. (Thankfully, access to therapeutic massage once a week - and having some good friends who did make me laugh when I would let them - definitely got me through that time.) Be happy.

(Thanks to Nan, Steve, and others who posted this. Your posts reminded me to share this info here as well!)

a prologue

It was a really busy weekend, what with an all-star team scrimmage and lots of errands on Saturday and a family birthday party for Matt yesterday with a gang of 15 of us in anticipation of the big day this coming week. I'll have photos and a catch up post soon. However the big news is that Matthew hit his first ever out-of-the-park home run on Saturday. His team was scrimmaging an older boys' team and they were losing 8-0. As his coach said, "that's the way to break up a shut out!" He was so happy when he realized it went over the left field fence! As he rounded the bases, his teammates all joined him at third and ran behind him to home. I have never seen such a celebration at the Little League plate!

Matt, who tries to hide his emotions as he enters this wonderful thing called adolescence, broke out a huge grin. I wish I had my camera! It was a sight. He had been struggling at the plate recently during games, so this was much a much needed confidence shot. What was a nice bonus is that he hit it with all the all-stars from our area who are a year older watching, and he knows all those guys. After the game, which Matt's team did end up losing, he got several nice pats on the back from the opposing/ other home players too.

the big finish

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. My name is Matthew P_. I would like to thank my mom and dad for all their encouragement and support during these elementary school years. I will always remember getting to participate in the sixth grade Olympics. In 20 years, I hope to be a professional snowboarder.

Last night was the big night. We had a very enjoyable sixth grade recognition ceremony on a hot and steamy evening with standing room only in the auditeria at Matt's school. It was impressive that they were able to pull off the event in less than 2 hours -- complete with songs, special awards, prophesies by 62 children (Matt's is above), teacher award presentations, and then a personalized certificate for each child so that everyone got some kind of recognition. They had rehearsed several times, and it showed. I loved all the prophecies. A couple of the kids gave Oscar-type speeches! They all had the same elements: greeting, self-introduction, thanks to someone, memory of elementary school, and what they would be in 20 years. Matt wanted to say that he would be 32 years old, but he opted for something more "serious."

Grandma and Grandpa came for the special event -- their second "graduation" of the day. They attended Jeremy's fourth grade graduation in Rome earlier that afternoon, and had to miss out on Mia's pre-school graduation that evening. Talk about being in demand! After the dignified recessional, the kids and families enjoyed a dessert reception that was was absolute joyful chaos -- complete with kids trying to suck the helium out of balloons, running around saying hi to one another in high squeaky helium voices. (Yes, Matt was one of them.)

Matthew was very excited to receive a President's Award for Academic Excellence. It was signed by President Obama. (He did tell me with a completely straight face that he was pretty sure it wasn't an original signature, but rather, just a copy of his signature that came on the

certificate.) Still -- it was very nice! We are very proud of this accomplishment.

The Memory DVD was a big hit. It was fun seeing all those little kindergarten faces grow up through the years in photos, set to perfect music. Each child got to bring home a copy, and they also received a Class of 2016 t-shirt (which many wore to school today for the last half-day) and had classmates autograph the shirts. Can you believe it? They figured out the h.s. graduating class year. I hadn't heard it until just recently, and it really blows my mind how quickly that will approach.

I was surprisingly very emotional as I dropped Matt off at his elementary school for the last time this morning. He took the bus morning and afternoon for the first three years (K-2), but preferred to have me drive him to school in the morning from 3rd through 6th. He took the bus home when he wasn't playing sports or doing ski club. I liked starting my day that way, and was surprised when I found myself crying the whole way home.

Because I took the day off, I snapped out of it pretty quickly. We were very pleased with Matthew's report card. He had slipped a little third marking period, and he picked things back up this last quarter to finish strong. His incentive was getting a new "full keyboard" phone and not a trac-fone . . . which apparently "isn't even a real cell phone, Mom." I wasn't going for it after 5th , but for 7th grade I could relent on that *if* he had a good report card. We went right over to the cell phone store after lunch, and he has been setting it up and getting used to it.

Many memories are flooding forward, and we have some nice keepsakes from his time at his school. It was a quality, nurturing environment in which he really matured academically and socially, and I am grateful he was able to be in the same school from K all the way through 6th grade. We are ready for the next phase. I think.

3 backyards

I've been meaning to do a post on the film 3 Backyards that will be featured at the upcoming Sundance Film Festival. 3 Backyards was written and directed by Eric Mendelsohn. Eric is another of the talented Mendelsohns of Long Island . . . including his brother Matt, our photographer and writer friend, sister Jennifer, a talented musician and writer in her own right, and brother Daniel, scholar and author of a number of books, including the powerful, The Lost (previously written about on this blog - see the archives).

You won't find a nicer tribute to the film than this blog post by an excited sister who is getting ready to travel out to Sundance later this week. Be sure to click on the links to the movie's web site, some reviews, and a video of an interview with Eric. Jennifer's post gives one insight into Eric's unassuming and modest personality. It also highlights what is sure to be brilliant work from an enormously talented writer and director. Read all about it and then go see this movie! I can't wait until I can. From Jennifer's post:

I'm enormously proud of Eric. I don't care if he wins a thing at Sundance. I don't care if I don't get to any celebrity-studded parties. I'm just so pleased that in a cultural climate that prizes all things flashy and commercial and anything-but-subtle, a thoughtful filmmaker like Eric can make exactly the kind of film he wants, and then find a venue like Sundance where his work can be celebrated. I'm proud that he's managed to be so uncompromising and principled as an artist, and I'm thrilled to be there supporting him.

some great news!

About six months ago, my friend Beth was diagnosed with two kinds of cancer -- one of which is pretty hard to diagnose early. It was quite fortunate that it was found early -- and that may have only been discovered because of the other cancer. Surgery, complications, and very rigorous treatment ensued -- with radiation and chemo. Beth had her last treatment just before Thanksgiving and had her scan on Monday to see if she was cancer free. She thought she'd have to wait a week to get the news on whether the treatment regimen had worked. Today, however, just two days after the scan, I got an e-mail.

This is what it said:

Hi everyone!

My oncologist just called with my CT scan results from yesterday. I have an appt with her on Monday, but she didn't want me to wait to hear the news. I'm cancer free!!!!

beth

It took a moment for me to process the news. And then I started to cry a little. It was what we all hoped for, and it made me realize that with all the havoc that the treatment wreaked on Beth(and Cheryl) and her body . . . it also wreaked the heck out of the cancer. This news was the highlight of my day.

I know some of the readers on this blog have been keeping Beth in thoughts and prayers, and I knew you would want to have this very special update. Beth still has some healing to do, but one of my holiday wishes has come true. CANCER FREE! Music to the ears! I hereby add Beth to the list of my friends who are SURVIVORS!!! (Or as Jeff would say, the Warriors!)

a good day

Tonight is the annual Relay for Life event at the college where I work. I advise the club that puts on the event, and I am a member of Team Justice for a Cure, comprised of students and staff from my office. Within just a few hours, we'll be walking laps in celebration of cancer survivors, in support of those undergoing treatment, and in memory of dear family members and friends who lost the battle. I am walking for: Beth B, Pamelia W, Jeff K, Elyse, "Yucky," Leslee, Nelie, Marilou, my Grandpa, Anthony D and others.

This year the theme is "sports teams - making plays against cancer." Our team will be doing a "ball park" theme, so that any member can wear/bring any baseball team apparel, memorabilia, etc. We'll be sure to not juxtapose the Yankee and Red Sox stuff. Our on-site fundraiser will be selling pop corn, cotton candy, and hot dogs. I just picked up the hot dogs and rolls around noon today, and am still defrosting them in cold water in my sink because I just hadn't thought it through. Of course they'd be frozen solid. We are hoping to sell out!

It should be a fun and meaningful event. Matt is bringing a friend. We won't stay all night, and I will head back to the event after catching a few hours sleep -- probably around 5:30 a.m. tomorrow for the closing ceremony and clean up crew. This is my fifth year doing this, and it gets better every year.

Also - on this day in history - 45 years ago my parents got married. Happy Anniversary to my mom and dad. Hard to imagine the whirlwind life they've led. Married just before the holidays, their first born (me) comes along 10 months later. Four kids born in six years, careers, retirement, grand kids, community involvement, and lots of music and concerts. I am thankful for their health and happiness, and wish them many more years together!

These photos were taken this past fall. We attempted to get a new family photo that would include our two newest members, the youngest of whom is now 2 years old. Unfortunately, we had an unexpected wait at the photo studio (like nearly 45 minutes), so by the time the 14 of us crammed into the little room, we weren't necessarily all feeling like smiling. Of the many we took, this was the only one where nobody blinked or had a funny look on their face. I think we all wished we could express ourselves like our toddler Lily did. I am happy that we did manage to take this photo, because the memory of the photo session will be pretty humorous, and after all, we did it.

sick bay update

Thankfully Matthew is improving day by day, and so far Tom and I seem to be fine -- if not finding that our hands are getting a little raw from the constant hand washing. Matt is still running a low-grade temp and the cough is still present, but the other symptoms seem to be improving relatively quickly. As the doctor predicted, the media hype has many people very scared of this flu, but for most people who are ordinarily healthy, this virus will present with relatively minor symptoms once the high fever subsides. It isn't anything to monkey around with, but it also isn't something to be insanely scared of either. I am sure I'd feel differently if my child was quite young or had a compromised immune system. I am grateful that Matthew is such a strong and healthy guy. He will bounce back from this faster than most, I am guessing.

It is a very busy work week for me, unfortunately. I feel like I am getting worn out on the home and work fronts these days. Tom was able to stay home with Matt today and will be able to most of tomorrow (with a quick hour or so when we'll have to trade places), and we'll juggle Wednesday if our guy isn't ready to go back to school by then. There are distinct disadvantages to living apart from the rest of extended family who might be able to help in situations like this. We are lucky at least that both of us work in the same town in which we live and do not have to commute.

I can tell Matt is sick of being sick already, and that is one of the sure signs of improvement. He doesn't want to wear his mask anymore, and I can't say I blame him, but with any luck we can limit the exposure that Tom and I have to this virus so that we can get the vaccine and be protected from coming down with it also.

Speaking of being sick of being sick . . . related to the "sick bay update" on an extremely positive note: my friend Beth has finished her last chemo treatment as of this afternoon. She was diagnosed with two types of cancer six months ago, went through a regimen of radiation, and has been going through a very rough run of six chemo treatments (amidst some serious infections and side effect that have delayed her finish.) She has had numerous hospitalizations and set backs and it has been a very trying time. Even though the week ahead, post treatment, will surely not be fun, she did it. Within a month, we will be praying she has a clear scan with no cancer cells to be found. This is the highlight of the day! Congratulations to you, Beth! (And to you too, Cheryl - who happens to have dabbled in the H1N1 just a few weeks ago

saturday morning meanderings

Hello there. It was a busy week, and as I sit here at the computer in my pjs with a cup of coffee and the house smelling like the cinnamon rolls I just baked, I am happy, happy, happy. We have little planned for the weekend, and after five relatively jam-packed days, this down-time is needed.

We started the weekend by going out to a nice dinner last night at one of my favorite restaurants in town that we hadn't been to in nearly a year. It had grown out of fashion with Matthew, but this time rather than ask him where he wanted to go, I just let him know that this is where we are going. (He has a new found appreciation for broiled fish, and so I told him they have great seafood there - and suddenly he was okay with the place again.) Just its atmosphere makes me relax. It isn't terribly fancy, but something in the white walls, gallery lighting, and local art on the walls (exhibits are different each time we visit) -- along with some aquariums, and little white lights in the large plants/trees, makes me feel like I step into a place of "ahhhh." Smells of fresh baked bread certainly add to the ambiance of the warm and clean lighting.

The food was delicious, and a nice glass of red wine helped to subdue the stresses of the week. I wish I wasn't a worrier type, but sometimes I work with students that give me cause for worry, and it is hard to shake that on the weekends when I need to re-charge. Last night did the trick. I especially liked the long, leisurely meal, because our relatively mono-syllabic pre-adolescent son (eventually warmed up and) joined in the conversation, told some stories, and that was really nice. It certainly beats what we often hear these days. Goes something like this. Us: "Tell me about school today." Him: "It was good." Us: "What did you do today?" Him: "The usual." And it continues from there. This is a restaurant we started taking him to when he was three. The servers always remembered that he liked lemon slices and lemon cake, so they would bring him out a little plate of lemons and fussed over him. He liked the piano player, and would put in a dollar in the jar and request some "Charlie Brown music." (Vince Guaraldi - Peanuts). Sadly, the piano player doesn't play there anymore. The music they play over the stereo speakers is nice, but we had a nostalgic moment for the "old days."

I started this morning with my usual "wake up at 4 a.m. for about an hour" routine. Most times I am very aggravated with that wake up. However, at tai chi the other night, I saw on a bulletin board a monograph on getting good sleep, and I learned a few things that I've already put into practice the last couple of days, and it has helped. One thing, and I really did know this already, is to not get all annoyed about it. But what I didn't think of is the connection between body temperature and REM sleep. The suggestion is to get up and cool off for a few moments, and then get back into bed and when your body temp rises again, you will likely go back to a deeper sleep where you may even dream.

This morning a very wonderful dream came to me after I got back to sleep. I dreamed of my grandfather who died of cancer back in 1988. He was (and still is) one of the most special people in my life. It was a most real dream. I was conscious that he was appearing to me in this very bright, radiant version of how he looked when he was healthy, just before he got sick. I was conscious that he was assuming this form to visit me. He had the biggest smile on his face as he saw me, and we just hugged for the longest time. I told him how happy I was to see him, and he told me that it had been a long time. He said, "it has been about 18 years since I left." (Actually, it has been 21, but in a dream, who is counting?) There weren't a lot of words exchanged. It was more of a feeling from my eyes to his eyes, and it was a wonderful gift. I hadn't had a dream where he had made an appearance in a long time. For several years after he died, I would dream of him and they were dreams from when he was sick. I was glad when those dreams stopped. My day started with warmth and love.

You know that feeling when you know someone adores you? I have to say that it is really one of the best feelings around. We can all tap into it -- even if we realize we have to adore something within ourselves that is worth adoring. Well my grandfather adored me. I could feel it when he would come to my concerts or come by on Sunday morning with a dozen donuts and I would sit around with my parents and him (like a little old lady -- and I was 16 or 17) while they had coffee and chatted. I could feel it when I would visit him at his home and he would be sitting and reading or listening to the opera on the radio and I would sit and hang out with him. I could feel it when I would ride my bike to St. Mary's church where he was the organist, and I would go to mass from the loft seating high above the congregation (if truth be told, more there to hang out with him than to really pay attention to the service, knowing that it met my "weekly obligation.") I could certainly feel it in the dream this morning, and I have the same feeling for him. Still do.

So that was how the day began. I am also happy to report that two babies were born in our family this past week. I really love babies. You might not realize that about me because I am not an outwardly "mushy woman." But I really am a sucker for babies. Our cousin Jean (Tom's first cousin), became a grandmother again, welcoming Kevin and Erica's third child, Ethan Robert. I've known Kevin since he was 7 or 8 years old, and you may remember that he was the ring bearer at our wedding. Another special baby arrived on the same day -- second cousin to Ethan -- and he is Connor Jay. Our other cousin Mary Beth (Jean's sister) became a grandma again too! Talk about doing everything together! Kristen and Randy welcome beloved Connor into their lives, and this has been a long-awaited baby. I can relate to that. I am sure they are all ecstatic (tired, but happier than imaginable), and I am sharing in that joy! I also like that both babies have middle names honoring their grandfathers and great grandfathers. There are some good, strong Roberts in Kevin's family, and I remember Jay, Kristen's dad, very fondly.

I sense a few more posts bubbling up for the weekend, so stay tuned. Have a great weekend.

Image: Meandering Stream by Val Stokes, found at http://fineartamerica.com.

winning it all!

So, you may be wondering . . . what happened with the final championship Little League game on Saturday afternoon? Well, as in all storybook endings, the team won it all, and the coach got a Mohawk. Right there, in the dugout, after the game. (Matt almost did too - in all the excitement. Then he saw my pleading look that said, "nooooooo," and he stepped out of the dugout and away from the mad-shears.)

It was an exciting game. I was asked to count pitches, and because of some league rules, what that meant was that I had to sit with the pitch counter for the other team to check for agreement. I had not had to do this all season, and so I was certainly willing to do it - but disappointed that I ended up sitting with the other team's fans. I had forgotten my camera anyway, so it isn't as if that is the reason why I have no action photos here. (One of the other mom's took some great ones, and I hope to add them to this post when she e-mails them to me.) The photo I have added is the official photo taken at the beginning of the season, before Matt's haircut.

Matthew played 3rd base for 5 of 6 innings and catcher for the last inning. On his first at-bat, first pitch, he hit a ball into the outfield [correction: over the left fielder's head], and got a nice double! He went on to score, and his run was one of the ones that helped to win the game. He had some very good fielding, and all in all, we were very proud of his effort. I am also secretly glad we will have a break from baseball for a while. He was selected to a travel team, but his arm has been hurting on and off this season, and we decided (with his blessing) that a hiatus from baseball is in order.

send me on my way

It was another glorious day here in Central New York. I had forgotten how happy the warm breeze of fresh air moving through the house makes me. How we went from 30 degrees and snow to 80 degrees and sunny in 48 hours is something I just can't fathom. For now, I am just rejoicing in the air through window screens and the sight of sunshine out my windows.

This is a happy little post to report that the research paper is done! I may tinker with it a little between now and Wednesday evening when I have to hand it it, but for the most part I feel good about the work, and I am enjoying that nice feeling of accomplishment and relief that comes at the end of the semester. All I will have left is a brief presentation on May 6th and the semester will be complete.

To celebrate, I am going out on the deck to enjoy the last of the day's sunshine and some fresh air . . . and I think I may start a book for pleasure. What a great concept! This song by Rusted Root is one that I think of when I am feeling happy. Click HERE and enjoy!