winter aconite means spring

I've been a bad blogger lately. Sorry. My excuses are pretty valid. Work has been busy and play has been busy. In between I have had my chores. I am practicing my band music whenever I get a free hour for the concert coming up on Sunday. I can't wait. I leave Monday for a conference for four days. I am reading a really interesting and powerful book called Dietland by Sarai Walker. On television, there are so many good Netflix shows to catch up on (and why do I keep going back to 30 Rock re-runs to just laugh?) I can only take so much of Nurse Jackie and Battle Creek.

This photo was snapped on my phone on Saturday. We took a walk over at Cornell Plantations, and the winter aconite is popping up everywhere in the botanical gardens. Winter aconite means spring, even if we are forecast to get snow this weekend. It has been a winter of extremes - mostly mild for around here - but with some weeks of bitterly cold weather and wind, and several "shovelable" snow falls (most coming when Tom was away.) I think we used the snow blower just two times. There have been some very unseasonably warm days. It has been pretty odd.

Anyway, it is spring break at the college where I work. I am saving my vacation days for better weather, so off I go into work. It is actually nice to have it be a little quieter on campus. I am hoping I can "catch up." Wishing you well.

i took it as a sign

A couple of posts ago I talked about how I joined a concert band in the next over city. At the time my friend asked me to play because they needed flutes (hardly ever a need for flutes), I felt it was a kind of sign... a wake up call to get back to something that used to bring me a lot of joy. Two weeks down and fairly regular practice begun, its true. I am enjoying it very much. The tendons in my right hand are sore, but I think that will subside.

On Thursday, at the weekly noon interfaith worship hour I go to on campus (some readings from various faiths, some singing, some meditation, some joys and sorrows), I decided I would share a joy and that the joy would be joining this concert band. I am usually pretty quiet at these things even though it is a small and comfortable group of people. Before I left my office to head to the service, I thought I had better find and return a book of poetry that Reverend Vicki had loaned me last spring...a book called I Hear God Laughing -- a collection of poems by the Sufi poet Hafiz (or Hafez). I had enjoyed flipping through the lighthearted, interesting, spiritual poems, but I hadn't opened it in months.

Before returning a book, and especially a book of poems, I like to play this little game where I open the book up to a random page to read something where the opening occurred, and try to keep that as symbolic. Wherever that random break occurs is to me like a crack into the light of the larger universe, and I am supposed to take in that slice of light. It is worth paying attention to it and trying to hold it a while.

So to add a layer to the "taking it as a sign" meanderment here, this is the poem that I read when I opened the book randomly to page 54:

How fun is that? I did share my joy at the Interfaith Center, and I read this poem. And now, if I were to open a book of poems, would it be about collecting a year's worth of documents and figures to get the tax prep folder ready? This is not the most fun "hour" (it will take me more than an hour) to spend, but it has to be done. It is my goal for the day. I am also a good procrastinator, so I have a feeling there are other things I will need to get done first. Cheerio.

rifling through the basket

In my vacation basket:

• I finished a book I have long savored, but had a hard time finding time to read... The Rules of Civility by Amor Towles. Really enjoyable. Beautifully, poetically written. Interesting plot and setting. This may end up being a movie. 

• Two friends have been baking artisan bread at home in recent months. After getting a recipe that looks fairly do-able, I have my first batch of dough rising. This can stay in the fridge for up to two weeks, and each grapefruit sized dough ball that is taken from the batch makes a perfect loaf of bread. I can't wait. 

• This morning I enjoyed a perfectly lazy and guilty-pleasure morning... after not sleeping well and after getting up early anyway, I stayed in bed, watched an episode of Last Tango in Halifax on Netflix and drank black coffee. So.much.fun. (It is not lost on me that being the mom of a teenager brings more worries and less responsibilities, and since the teen had slept over at a friend's house, there was no reason not be revert back to some lazy, earlier, carefree ways of  my own.)

• Boring stuff... laundry and cleaning - putting that off for a day or two more.

• Good stuff... going to a movie and then dinner at my favorite theater and go-to restaurant in Ithaca later today. I think we are going to see "Brooklyn." I'll let you know.


• Fun cooking on the horizon. Need to take down the Christmas tree. Plans with friends on 12/31 and 1/1... and I suppose a few other errands and chores. A new set of short stories to read. Life is good. 

what needs doing

Storypeople always seems to get it right. Thanks, Brian Andreas!

Sorry I have been absent from this space. I have been standing up and doing the things I see that need doing. I have been working several evenings per week doing student training sessions. I enjoy doing them, but the evenings are racking up.

Last weekend we were preoccupied with a fundraising event to raise money for a gay rights organization in Belize. Tom played host to a New York Times magazine writer who wrote this article, (here), last May. Hosting usually means picking someone up from a bus station or airport, taking them to dinner, touring them around some local area, and getting them back to the airport - in addition to going to whatever events are planned. I did some "spouse"accompanying, but also had to do my own things - so it was a good, interesting, fun, and busy weekend. We are lucky that one of our colleagues has a huge Victorian and she regularly opens up her home to have campus guests like this stay there, so we didn't have all the responsibility.

Sunday night was the incredible super moon, the blood moon, and total lunar eclipse. We got very lucky and had clear skies. I stayed up (yes, past 10:30 p.m.) to watch and it was really incredible. I did capture a few photos, but nothing like what I saw online taken with cameras much better than mine. Still, I won't forget the sight for a long time. It was SO cool.

This week is flying by already. I went to my last school open house this evening for the senior in high school. Having just one child, these things have so much weight. I cried on the drive home. I didn't expect to, but I did. Everything ends. I know this. Still, sometimes I get surprised by it.  Some people close to me are going through some very difficult times, and I find I am doing more evening texting, recommending Pema Chodron's, The Places That Scare You, and Barbara Brown Taylor's An Alter in the World, books. I want to help comfort people when they are in pain. These books helped me during some trying times.

So that is it. Just hopped on tonight to in essence say a quick hello. I long to have some free time to search out some new things to post here. I'll be back soon, I hope.

meanderings by the sea

It's a small thing, but I do it every time I take vacation. The watch comes off and doesn't go back on the wrist until it's time. Today, it's time.

How lucky can a person get? We had a trip to Lake George for family reunion and northern NYS college visits at the end of June, I had a jaunt to Vermont and back in July, a week in the Adirondacks with family, and then this past week, the three of us enjoyed a generous accommodation right on the Nantucket Sound on Cape Cod for a few days, thanks to Tom's sister and her husband. I won't complain that it could have been a full week, but due to the teen's golf team schedule, it ended up being just three days plus travel time, because those three beach days were heavenly. I got back in touch with my beach self, and getting in touch with her should hold me for a while.

Tom and Matt went on a fishing charter one day, and went golfing with a friend another day. That gave me some alone time that I really relish.We met up with college friends over ice cream one evening. I imbibed the sounds of the waves, which we could hear from our unit day and night.

Each morning I woke up before the seagulls and I got to watch the many colors of the ocean for as far as the eye could see throughout the day from various vantage points. I didn't get a lot of exercise like in the Adirondacks, but we did manage a few beach walks where I took a gazillion photos. A highlight was going out to a nice dinner one evening with a gift certificate that Tom's sister had given us at Christmas. It was at a really great restaurant that won a "Best of Cape Cod" this year. 

I read a perfect vacation book that has been around since 1990, called Circle of Friends by Maeve Binchy. What an enjoyable read full of interesting characters. It isn't every day you get to read something with a character named Nan it is. Unfortunately, it was hard to like Nan in this story. If you've read it, you know what I mean. I guess a movie came out based on the book back in the 90s, but I never saw it. I had heard it wasn't nearly as good as the book, so I put it on my skip list. I might check in out now though just to decide for myself.

So now the vacation time I had saved accruals all year for due to the job change has been taken. I give a Sunday evening presentation to a student athlete group this evening and it's back to work tomorrow.

Today, it was time to put the watch back on. As it slides a little on my wrist, there is no tan line, and I can still hear the sounds of the waves if I try really hard.

tenuousness

This is Andrew Bird performing his piece Tenuousness live from From the Basement off his 2009 Noble Beast album. His gifts are pretty special. This is a perfect, interesting song to accompany this warm, sunny afternoon. I am enjoying a day off at home to catch up on laundry, sit under the oak tree and read a good book (Circle of Friends by Maeve Binchy .... now that I have finished my tough summer read, Missoula).

I seem to be catching up on blog posts after a blogging dry spell, so if you haven't given up on this space by now, thanks for stopping. I hope you are having a nice day!

being bold. because.

Thank you, storypeople.com.

It was an absolutely delightful weekend. The weather was my kind of perfect: sunny, low 70s, breezy, dry. It was way too  nice to go anywhere near my computer. I realize now why so many turn to Facebook or Instagram or Tumblr -- those quick takes one can easily access or post by cell phone. Blogging by cell phone is really tricky and not pleasant. So I chose to just live instead. I finished a good book called The Art of Hearing Heartbeats. I gave it three stars out of five - which still means good, but not among my favorites. I started a new book yesterday called Missoula. This one will be a difficult one to get through. I may have to re-read The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry to get the images out of my mind and get back to a book I truly enjoyed reading.

Yoga thought: was amazing Saturday morning. At the end of each class, after coming "to" from meditation, our teacher reads us a short phrase and repeats it once as we lie there before getting up for final yoga mudra - to send us off with a good message. The message was for us to try to go through the entire day without uttering one single complaint. She added, "you might find you don't have a lot to say." I giggled. Silently, but visibly. It wasn't her usual type parting phrase. I thought to myself that it would be easy for me to do. I am not really that much of a complainer. I tend to be relatively optimistic or at least calm. So imagine my surprise that I caught myself not once but twice later that day in complaining mode - once verbally and the other internally as thoughts. I am going to try to be more conscious of not complaining. Wise words, those.

We received some extremely difficult and heart-breaking news recently. I now have two people dear to me who have cancer that is metastatic. That means cancer that was once thought "gone" and in remission is back and is spread. And there is no cure. There is only finding the best path to a good, but finite amount of time left as living - and hopefully living with pain in check. Today's StoryPeople.com piece seems to reflect the natural reaction to dealing with this kind of challenge. Any matter of the heart presents a choice, really, in how we react. I want to be bold and courageous. I want to jump in loving the last that we have with people - however long it is - and yet it is so emotionally difficult at times, we want to jump in with just one foot in order to have the other ready for a quick get away in case our hearts get into something we are not ready for yet. (Fear, sadness, avoidance...)

I have had experience "living with" the dying before. The more I reflect on it, it doesn't take courage so much as love. Simply love. And so - I am going to be bold and hope that it rubs off on others too. Let us all be bold together.

the world turns

This is a mildly silly and mildly crabby post brought on by a bottle of Edmond Fitzgerald porter out of Cleveland (that invoked the initial silliness) and too much sadness for one week - watching my teen go through his first ever loss of young people his age. Not nice. (That invoked the crabbiness that keeps sneaking back in.)

In  my best inner Steven Wright voice, this is what is going on.

- the gardening got done Sunday and Monday - including yours truly buying and using an electric hedge trimmer for the first time in more than 20 years. (I have always done trimming by hand clipper, and let me tell you, the power trimmer is really fast and powerfully good.) I am happy the flowers are in, the hedges are trimmed, and ta da, we even got the deck furniture scraped and re-painted. Dinner on the deck tonight was delightful.

-I discovered a new favorite dessert in the freezer section of the grocery store. Friendly's brand black raspberry ice cream cones - on a chocolate sugar cone, with a little blob of chocolate at the bottom of the inside of the cone like in a Nutty Buddy. Tres magnifique!

-we had our 26th anniversary this week. It floored me to think I have been married for more than half my life. I guess if I do the math this was technically the case last year too... but I didn't think of it then. So it didn't affect me.

-damn little invasive house sparrows have scared away both the house wrens and tree swallows from our bird houses, and now I have to remove any nests they might build as this was a requirement of my friend who built one of the birdhouses last year. I never thought I would say this about a bird species, but those little sparrows are idiots and I am not happy with them.

-I bought the cats brand new, cool, kitty collars. Orange for Mars and Green for Natalie. They are so handsome!

-I worked the grill at the h.s. concession stand last night for the first time. It was fun. Until cleanup time. (Usually I do the math, take the money and get things like water and popcorn, candy and nachos for people... the easy stuff.)

-I took a Facebook quiz today, after staying off Facebook for several days out of willpower, and learned that I am an "independent woman. " Because, you know, I just didn't know what kind of woman I was.

So there you have it. I am off to read a book. I am reading The Art of Hearing Heartbeats. Great read so far.

clair de lune

Clair de Lune by Claude Debussy is one of the loveliest piano pieces of our age. The book I just finished, All the Light We Cannot See, discussed below, features several references to this work, and so I had to post this. Magical. Romantic. Luminescent. Shimmering and shining light of the moon.

all the light we cannot see

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr is an amazing, beautiful, painful book. It is an important book to help us not forget what happened during WWII, and it is written from perspectives I hadn't spent a lot of time contemplating. The prose throughout this novel reads in places like surreal poetry. I found myself reading and re-reading certain passages.

While I was reading this book -- slowly so that it would not end -- it won the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction. When I finally read the last page, I decided to read more about how and why Doerr wrote it and I found this treat: a video of Doerr discussing the book. It is worth watching! I also enjoyed this Goodreads Interview with Doerr.

Please read this book. I will be recommending it to everyone who loves history, language, and an exploration of love and humanity during war times. Simply breathtaking.

the cover up

I wrote this little poem the other day, reflecting on how I sometimes approach life. And that includes this blog. You see, I am a cheerful sort. I don't like to draw attention to those things I would rather not think about, let alone talk about. I can be my own master of distraction. That is why I am so fascinated with Pema Chodron's book, The Places That Scare You. Life changing, if I will let it be so. I have to have a little outpatient surgery the week after next. I am a little scared, actually, though I'll probably be fine. You would never know it if you interacted with how I perform my persona. I am tough, brave, cheerful. I live in Central New York, where on a day with a windchill of -11, if the sun is out, I say it isn't so bad out there today.


the cover up

what I do say
covers up what I don't (say)
pretty much daily

here and there
then and now

if I talk and talk
and talk
enough
I leave no time

to sit with my fears
to think painful thoughts
to remember

losses

© nan, 2015

good books on a chilly day

For Christmas, Tom got me two books I have been wanting to read -- and read in hard copy as opposed to via my usual e-reading method on the Nook. Some books just do better with the printed page.These two are among them.

One of those books is Billy Collins' new collection of poems called Aimless Love. It is true Billy... and I will enjoy reading the poems for many years.

The other is Roz Chast's graphic memoir titled Can't We Talk about Something More Pleasant? I sat down to read this today, and it is definitely a one-sitting book. Absolutely captivating. This is the review I just put up on Goodreads:

Oh Roz Chast, you're killin' me. I encourage everyone over a certain age to read this book... whether your parents are gone or if you look ahead to that probability that your parents will decline and die before you do. One of my favorite New Yorker cartoonists, Roz Chast has a way with her pen and what she captures in voice and in visuals. This mostly graphic memoir will make you laugh and make you cry, and you will be very glad you've read it.

So there you have it. Get out there and get it if you haven't read it yet. Worth your time. As I sit here from inside the house, watching the ever constant gusting wind blow fine white powder horizontally across the  immediate foreground (with regular temperature well below zero and wind chills in the range of -25 to -40 degrees Fahrenheit all day and into tomorrow morning), I am very thankful to be inside, warm and toasty, with nowhere to go except here. The family is in for the night. Life is good.

it's a wrap

The sky out there is a Simpsons light blue with cumulus clouds . . . and at 3:28 in the afternoon, the sun is beginning its early descent. The weekend is wrapping up (although we will have Tuesday off for Veterans' Day...)

It has been a good weekend. We have had Matt's friend with us since Thursday night while his family was off on a college-search trip for his older brother. It has been nice for Matt to have a "brother" for a few days. It has meant having more milk and snacks in the house than usual, and it has been fun to cook up big batches of things like chili and cornbread, homemade chicken noodle soup (Tom's specialty) and a huge crock pot full of sauce for spaghetti tonight. We did take-out one night, and I discovered to my amazement that after eating a full dinner last night, and downing protein shakes after their workout, that they ordered delivery Chinese last night after midnight... and I didn't hear a thing. I just discovered a few leftover egg rolls in the fridge this morning and some spent containers in the kitchen garbage. They have mostly kept to the man-cave with the occasional happy noise audible from the downstairs room.

I finally finished the book I have been reading for a while, My Notorious Life by Kate Manning. I heard her speak at the end of September at a conference and bought her book, complete with autograph. It was a very powerful read. (Historical fiction set at the end of the 19th century but with themes that sadly apply today ... outstanding.) I started a book I have wanted to read for some time by Pema Chodron called The Places that Scare You. I already love it and the time is right.

In movie news, Tom and I have actually gotten to movies in the theater two weekends in a row! What?!? We went to see St. Vincent featuring my beloved Bill Murray last weekend (really good) and saw Big Hero 6 last night. We saw the former at my favorite theater one town over and the later at our local theater because we wanted to stay local. The special effects in Big Hero 6 were Disney animation fantastic. It reminded me of one of my old favorites, a simpler (but perhaps better) movie called  The Iron Giant (similar themes but not entirely the same). In any event, I recommend both films.

In life news, I have decided that after a little more than three years, I am making a job transition from the non-profit work I have been doing (labor of love, for sure) back to my roots in higher education. Over the next month I will be transitioning to a challenging new position. Because it is an immediate vacancy, I accepted the interim appointment while the position is searched. It feels like a bit of a free fall. I plan to apply for the permanent position when it is searched in a couple of months, and I am hopeful that I will get it (if I like it) or some other higher ed position (keeping options open) as I have been thinking about this move for a couple of months.

There are many things I will miss about my current job. I feel good about the things I have gotten to work on and contribute to. But the time came when I realized I was tired of having on-call responsibilities and a complete lack of control over my schedule. I am tiring of frequent travel. Some travel is great, but I see more in the future of the soon-to-be old job, not less or same, so all in all, we know when it is time. It's time.

So, that's it. It's a wrap.

circular development - or how to have a good day

Nice one, Jessica. I couldn't agree more...

putting it off...

Instead of taking down the Christmas tree today, we decided to put it off another day. Too rainy and gray to put away those lights. I savored this morning, thinking it was one last morning of reading with my coffee by the tree, and guess what? I get to do it again tomorrow! I love staycation!! 

We are headed to a third party in a week's time this evening over in Ithaca. Should be nice. A pot of chicken barley soup is on the stove, and I have candles lit all over the house to stave off the darkness. The teenager was disappointed that his plans to snowboard today are all washed out.

I watched Salinger the other day. It was a fascinating documentary, and I am now all charged up for the 2015 releases of never before published works that he wrote in his many reclusive years in NH. After seeing the film, I re-read Nine Stories, and they are as brilliant as ever, and I felt much more informed on the sources for his material -- his life was extraordinary. He was an amazing writer, a flawed human-being as most of us are, and an interesting persona. (Did you know that Nabokov also wrote a work called Nine Stories, released in 1947, just six years before Salinger did? I didn't...)

I am not sure there will ever be another voice like his. If you have not read his Nine Stories, it is a great introduction to his work -- and bits about the Glass family, which will be featured in the soon-to-be published "new" works. Salinger's short stories are an art to write and a pleasure, if not a haunting pleasure, to read. Not sure if I will go back and re-read Catcher, Franny and Zooey, or Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters. I first read these when I was 13 or 14 and was surprised then that I "got" them. (My mother was too). The paperbacks still sit on my bookshelf... getting a bit tattered and worn looking. My appreciation for Salinger's writing has only grown since then.

The other thing I did today was listen to a lot of flute pieces that I have loved and played over the years. Here is James Galway playing an impeccable second movement of Poulenc's Flute Sonata. Wow. (Embedding was disabled, so you will need to take a look HERE.) 

See ya.

carey, revisited

It seems like just yesterday that I watched the All-Star Tribute to Joni Mitchell for her Lifetime Achievement Award. It was actually more than 13 years ago back in 2000! On this rainy morning with a day off from work, I decided to search out the concert on YouTube, and low and behold I found one link that has not yet been taken down. (It won't last). If you have 90 minutes - or even just a few - take a look and listen at this amazing set of songs, covered in all sorts of ways, to pay tribute to one of the greatest artists of my generation.

One of the reasons I wandered over to YouTube surfing for some different Joni music is because of the book I am now reading. I have wanted to read it since it came out in 2008, but didn't manage to get it on my Nook until last month. It is called Girls Like Us, (by Sheila Weller) and it is a 600 page biography of Carole King, Joni Mitchell, and Carly Simon and the journey of a generation. It is not my typical book selection. I generally prefer modern or historical fiction. This by its nature is on the gossipy side, though well-written. I am not far into the book, and I imagine it will take me a long time to read since I tend to only read these days during my daily 20 minutes on the elliptical -- but so far, it is fascinating. While I was never a fan of Carly Simon, learning more about two of my musical heroes Joni Mitchell and Carole King, is fun.

Anyway, back to the All-Star Tribute . . . I had posted this song before (back in 2008) here on WJPP, but the YouTube links are now broken. Let me try it again. I think it is probably my favorite performance of the evening . . . and there were some great ones. This is Cyndi Lauper signing Joni's Carey. If you have time for the entire concert, click on the link above. Have a great day. There are several notable performances!

rainbow meanderings

Start Monday with a laugh. Do you like The Doors? Do you love children's literature? This is Jim Fallon's funny (and perfect, by the way) performance of the Reading Rainbow theme -- Jim Morrison style. I especially the the Goodnight Moon reference...

Thanks, Susan. And if you want more. . . you can enjoy Bob Dylan singing Charles in Charge, HERE. 

instant mom - a book review

Loved this book by writer and actor Nia Vardalos (of My Big Fat Greek Wedding fame)! It is witty, informative, and a great and entertaining chronicling of Nia Vardalos's journey to motherhood through adoption (of a 3 year old daughter through the U.S. foster care system). 

I heard her speak at a conference last month and immediately ordered the Nook book. There are parts that made me laugh out loud and parts that made me cry. I rarely write notes in books, but found myself tapping the note icon to say things like, "I was cool until this point, but now I am crying," and "oh.my.god," and "exactly!"

Even though we traveled a different path to adoption, some elements of this story clearly echoed experiences that I had on my own journey. I think anyone would enjoy this book and get a lot out of it and learn much more about adoption than is commonly known.

Perhaps most of all, Nia articulated what I felt . . . that even though adoption is a hard road, and it often is not the first choice for either birth parent or adoptive parent . . . not first choice does NOT mean second best. She says what I experienced on seeing my child for the first time -- for her, a little girl at age three and for me, a baby still unborn, at the 8 month ultrasound . . ."Everything goes quiet. I hear nothing at all. All I think is, 'Oh, I found you.' Because now I know who I have been waiting for. I know exactly why the other processes didn't work. I know that I was supposed to wait for [this child]."   I believe my exact words in my own head were "Oh, there you are." It is one of the clearest memories of my life.

Somewhere near the end, Nia concludes, "And here's what I just figured out now: no one is ever prepared. In a way, we're all instant moms. I look around at all the parents, [of children going off to Kindergarten] all the moms, all the dads -- the emotions crossing their faces are the same ones Ian and I are feeling. Nothing prepared us for the daunting responsibility and love we feel for our children. All of us are instant parents trying to rise to the challenge of raising our children well."

(*I used to do a review of every book I read, and now I rarely do. I think the ability to give a book up to 5 stars on Goodreads and write a three sentence review there has taken over my will to write longer blog post reviews. If you really want to share reading recommendations, meet me over at Goodreads.)

stone quarry cottage

Tom and I enjoyed a belated anniversary get-away weekend this past weekend (our anniversary is at the end of May) . . . and we didn't go far from home. We did, however, get far enough away from the everyday routine to get some rest, read by the fire, listen to music, sleep in a little, and eat at some of our favorite restaurants. This fall it dawned on us that we hadn't gone away for a weekend in a very long time. It had been years, actually.

With baseball season stretching from April until October each year, vacations planned around our families, and work travel for Tom or for me (separately), time for just the two of us had been long neglected, with the exception of an occasional dinner or concert out. Thanks to my sister for coming and hanging out with our teenager, we were able to venture to a place I found just a half-hour from home.

I would love to share this with anyone who decides to venture to the Ithaca, NY area. The place is called Stone Quarry House, and we stayed in the stone cottage, which is perfect for a fall weekend. Ithaca is full of things to do, with great restaurants and shopping (and wineries). We ended up doing a little shopping, but mostly couldn't tear ourselves away from the cozy cabin with its gorgeous architectural design, beautiful furnishings, and great fire place. I was SO happy to find that it even had a Keurig!



 I am reading an utterly enjoyable book called Major Pettigrew's Last Stand, by Helen Simonson. We tuned in to WITH 90.1 for most of the weekend. I was able to recall that relaxing feeling of "being alone together," and I don't think Tom even got sick of me saying over and over, "I just love this cabin . . . . I am so happy!" While the cabin looked a little odd from the outside, inside, it was one big square with great stonework, woodwork, and comfortable Stickley furnishings, with even a Tempur-pedic mattress! It had windows all around it, with lovely views and great light. My favorite feature of the cabin was the fireplace.

Clearly thought went into every detail of this cottage. We found the guestbook on a table, and this is what I wrote:


folk music on the radio
crackling beauty in the fireplace
winter light, peaceful dark
companionship of your best friend
a good book, a Keurig
a bathroom door that slams
when you don't remember to
close it ever so softly

it doesn't get better than this.

Thank you, Stone Quarry Cottage.

the where the now

I have been writing in this space for heading on six years, and I don't think I have ever taken more than a two-week break from blogging, so I am jumping back on the horse and putting up a post today. A couple of people were kind enough to check in with me via e-mail to make sure I am okay. Thank you. I am okay.

How have I been spending my extra time outside of my work lately? I have had the drive to get healthier recently. So in addition to cutting back on my daily spoonful of Nutella (that's right folks, one heaping teaspoon can lift me only so high), I have been exercising with more regularity. Back when I was a fairly active teenager, I used to watch the old ladies who played tennis. They had kind of bumpy legs and sun spots and wrinkles, but they were fit and happy. They were smart enough to play in the cool mornings or cool evenings, and never in the hot sun of midday. I thought to myself back then, I would like to be one of those old tennis ladies some day.

Recently, I realized that my karate days are behind me, and if I am to have old lady tennis days ahead of me, I better start taking care of bone mass and weight bearing exercise NOW. Tom encouraged me to start bike riding to add some variety to my ordinary routine of reading while on the elliptical, and complaining that going to work out is like going into the death chamber. I am kind of afraid of big dogs jumping out at me while bike riding, and I am a bit weary of bigger vehicles or texters who may drive past me, so it has taken some mental fortitude for me to get that helmet on and get out there. But I did it two times this week, and I think I can get back into this routine. I had this recollection of riding by myself when I was about 16 or 17 years old from my parents' house to a small lake just outside of our small city, and in my mind this was a 15 to 20 mile round trip bike ride that I ventured out on by myself without telling anyone. I know, daring, right? I just mapquested it and found that it was a less than 6 mile bike ride (one way). That realization deflated my tires a few PSI. Still, I plan to get out there more. On my wish list... one of those nice comfort seats (or as I used to make fun of them... those "big-ass seats"). Taking the bumps isn't as much fun as it used to be.

One thing about bike riding that I am appreciating is the requirement that the rider pay attention. While on the elliptical, I try to dive into my book and NOT pay attention to my workout... to ignore the workout to get through the time. That is a good thing sometimes. It is also fun to go over new ground, to keep a lookout for birds that might fly up from field grass to a tree when you ride by. Where I live, it is not far from rural, bucolic lands -- so today I passed a farm with a cow and some chickens just walking around. I like to look at an old, uncared for house and envision it in its original charming state, and then  imagine it all fixed up and cared for again. You can't get that kind of experience without paying attention and seeing new things with fresh eyes. I hope to keep riding, at least once a week.

Other than that, I have read several books recently, including An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith (Barbara Brown Taylor), Border Songs (Jim Lynch), Work Song (Ivan Doig), twenty or so more short stories and poems from the Vintage Book of American Women Writers (ed. Elaine Showalter), and right now I am reading Kathleen Norris' The Quotidian Mysteries and Jamie Ford's Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet. I am also reading poems from Nikky Finney's Head Off & Split. I also trimmed the shrubs and am getting ready to plant flowers. This insular couple of weeks has been "generating" for me.

Also looming large on the list of what I have done in the last couple of weeks is that I decided to submit my letter of resignation to my old work place of 20 years effective August 15, 2012, the end of my leave of absence, and to stay with my current not-for-profit work. It was a big decision. But sometimes one has to  trade a lead role in the cage for a walk-on part in the war (a twist on a lyric from the song Wish You Were Here in case you didn't catch the metaphorical reference.) I think I had done everything I could do in my old position and was at a dead end in terms of personal growth and development. It would have been easy to return to it, but I know it would not have been good for me. I am casting fear of the unknown aside and am trying to be ready and open to the next chapter, wherever it will lead.

Oh, and I forgot to mention baseball! We are watching a lot of Matt's baseball games lately. He has recovered from the winter's snowboarding fractures (right wrist and left shoulder) enough to be cleared to play ball. He is on his school team, which will wrap up its season in a couple of weeks, and then starts the summer league. I do enjoy watching baseball games.

So, that is my loooong update. Life is good. Beauty is everywhere. Laughter is around the corner.