The Big Tent Poetry prompt this week included seven prompts again, for those writing a poem-a-day in April. It has been a busy week, so I am writing to just one prompt: Write about a broken window.
paying for damage
there were at least six of us
but I can only remember specifically four
who were tossing the rocks
up into the pine trees in the alleyway
for no good reason except we were bored.
one of us, and it might have been me,
but I think it was jimmy, because
he had the better arm, threw a rock
that went out of sight and to our horror
came down on the windshield of the car.
the cracking sound ricocheted through the trees
from the glass on the not-so-ordinary automobile.
it was mr. davison's collectible, well of course it was,
and the bottom dropped in all our stomachs
while instincts of childhood took over.
we ran, and we ran, and we ran out of breath
into the house, where we all sat on the couch
in a row, panting, silent and scared,
knowing we were now not only reckless,
but dishonest, against our better judgment.
it seemed like hours, but it was about 20 minutes
until my mother came in to find us
after getting the call; we confessed rather quickly
that yes, we broke the windshield, but didn't know who did it
-- and I think we really couldn't be sure.
two families split the cost
of replacing mr. davison's car windshield.
it was really expensive,
but I doubt anyone else still pays for the damage,
like I do.
Copyright © 2011 Nan P.
12 comments:
I could see you all sitting on the couch—not knowing what to do. A wonderful capture of childhood.
Interesting last line leaves the reader pondering.
I wonderful piece of childhood!
Wonderful picture of how a child learns, even by default.
Elizabeth
Wonderful narration...
order of the day
I like that image of the lot of you on the sofa.
The ending is interesting. Pulling it short that way gives it even more punch.
I can just picture all of you sitting on the sofa and that ending sums it up perfectly, nan.
Pamela
vivid and sweet childhood memories.
well done.
I love it that several of you liked that scene "on the couch." I wrote this with my mother in mind - because I knew even if no one else appreciated this poem, she would. When I sent it to her she said, "I will always remember how you kids looked all lined up on that couch." I guess I really did somehow capture that image. We had a laugh. She told me the windshield really wasn't that expensive.
Oh, my gosh - this is terrific imagery - I can feel the whole thing while it reminds me of similar incidents in my way younger life. Love this piece!
A story nicely told, well-structured. I liked the reflection in the last stanza. And that last, short line: "like I do." resonants powerfully.
Lovely piece... you express the guilt so well in the end.
~laurie
Well told, yes! The action is especially interesting. :-)
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